Keeping in touch requires a connection and also a willingness for communication to take place. Then again, contact can be meaningful, even without a conversation – the act of contact by whatever means is often enough to establish and confirm you care.

Some people, like me, don’t need constant confirmation that someone cares about them.  Phone calls, cards, letters, and these days, all sorts of electronic messaging can easily work to keep us in touch. But lots of us don’t feel comfortable with the ‘new’ electronic messaging that younger folk have adopted as their, perhaps only, means of making contact with others. It seems often to be very public and not as directly connected to just one individual, although I have learned to almost cope with ‘WhatsApp’.

Personally, I prefer to speak on the phone (even a mobile one!) or write an email. I have never quite got my head around ‘social’ messaging. I do see the value, of course, of the immediacy of all those myriad types of social media and methods.

But some of us oldies are not comfortable with it – and I can’t quite describe why I am so averse to it. Well, maybe I can: I simply just didn’t ‘grow up’ with it.

I was a six year old when WW2 broke out, and when my uncle returned from that war after serving in Tobruk, he taught me how his platoon had built radio receivers using a coil made from discarded copper wire, a safety razor blade and an earphone scrounged from an enemy camp. He and his mates were desperate to hear anything in spoken english, the BBC or even some music of any nationality!

Years later in 1957, when I married my sweetheart, Dorothy, in 1957 we had to be on a waitlist to get a landline phone, and only the arrival of our first-born twin children was sufficient to bump us up the list have one installed! No TV in our house for a while later, and then what a little screen! I think it was a ‘fourteen inch’!

That phone, though, was the star. At last Dorothy and I could actually talk with our country parents. But ‘trunk line’ calls were expensive and timed so we soon learned to use the phone sparingly, especially as our cost of living with a growing family was escalating.

Old habits die hard – and although these days modern cell phones mean instant, almost free, contact any time anywhere, I think I’m still, sort of, living in the past and can’t quite break out of my dinosaur habits! Is there anyone else out there who is still on the same bus as me?

Although this is a time when many are focussed on buying Christmas gifts, I’ve chosen to focus on grocery shopping! Whether we live at home or in care, each of us need soap and toothpaste, breakfast cereal, and other grocery items from our local supermarket. Of course, whenever we shop we always take care to get value for our money, don’t we?

I started an awareness of this mundane topic by looking at the small shelf-price-stickers – and had many unexpected surprises: shelf items with a ‘Sale’ price ticket are not always the best dollar value item! I’m not too fussy about who the product manufacturer is – although I favour local manufacturers and try to buy locally grown fruit and vegies. I suspect we all often buy supermarket goods by habit or ‘sale’ prices and fail to consider other manufacturers and whether bigger is always better value. After Christmas, you are likely to have more time to make your own food value studies, maybe it could be your New Year Resolution!

It’s easy: you need only to read the details on the shelf-price-ticket which, by law in Victoria, must also show the price per gram or unit. If you haven’t been checking lately, maybe it’s time for you to read those little shelf labels! We all have our favourite brands, and preferred sized packs, but I am suggesting you take time to read those small shelf label stickers that shows unit pricing information, and don’t be distracted by those big ‘Special’ price stickers….

Take toothpaste as an example. You may be shocked to discover that, even within the same brand, it can cost as much as $14.12 or as little as $2.73 per 100 grams! Yes, there are some different formulations and flavours, but don’t they essentially do the same job? Tube capacity varies, and the size of the packaging (cardboard box) can also be a bit larger than the tube requires (IMHO). Tricky, eh?

Next, breakfast cereals. This time you can widen your sample ‘price-per’ test to include the supermarket’s ‘Home brand’ look-alikes (they may even come from the same manufacturer!). The unit cost range will amaze you, and I doubt you can taste the difference! Try them!

Then there’s laundry liquids. Well, I’m sure you will have noticed the massive differences in pricing there, too. Admittedly I don’t have heavily soiled clothes to test their claims, but it’s my bet you’ll get the same clean outcome whichever brand you choose. There are massive price differences per unit between brands, so check them out, too.

You could then extend your cost analysis to all your other weekly staple purchases. Be prepared to be gob-smacked. Take time to note the unit prices on the different-sized packs and also the competing brands; it is astounding. Be brave, try sampling a different manufacturer’s products. If you are a dyed-in-the-wool brand follower, this will take some courage, but your purse will be heavier when you leave the shop (hmm…who has purses and wallets these days?).

So, two suggestions: the first is to check and compare the shelf ‘price per unit’ information – even on your low cost but frequent buys. The second is to be a little adventuresome and try a different brand when the unit cost will save you money. Just one more thing: make sure you use your supermarket ‘Loyalty’ card. Even with my tiny shopping, I get enough credits to ‘shop-for-free’ every now and then!

Finally, of course, I wish my readers a Happy and meaningful Christmas, and all the best for the New Year, now fast approaching…

Despite my daily walking regime and twice weekly gym sessions, I had never doubted my ability to stand up from a prone position. Talk about knowing your own strength, or not! I’ve had a rude awakening.

It all started recently when I dropped a button which disappeared under my bed. That required me to lay flat on the floor and reach in to retrieve it. Easy-peasy. Yes, but then I had to stand up – and discovered that such a simple action was not as easy as I thought. Luckily, I had the bed to assist.

Soon after that effort of scrambling up from the floor I was with a group at a luncheon, seated alongside a retired nurse. I shamefacedly shared my ‘down but not out’ story about regaining my feet after retrieving that lost button – and she was not surprised. Clearly, small falls are not uncommon among we more senior ambulators. She gave me some tips (see below) on how to arise, gracefully or otherwise, if I should ever again fall with nobody, or thing, nearby to help me up.

I also remember, some years ago, I had been down on hands and knees wiping dust from the skirting boards inside our built-in wardrobe. When I’d finished, I grabbed some clothes hanging above my head to assist me to stand up. You can guess the result: the hanging rail gave way and covered me with clothes, hangers, and the rail. Dorothy laughed and, fortunately, only my dignity was deeply hurt!

But nowadays I know the theory, and a technique, of how to regain my uprightness if (or when!) if I ever again find myself flat on the floor. I have even made a couple of exploratory simulations. It’s not too hard. Maybe you’d also like to do a little controlled trial yourself: just sit on the floor and then get up again!

First keep still, don’t panic, second, assess for any hurts, next, if all’s clear, have a go at being upright! Roll so that you can kneel, crawl to a sturdy piece of furniture and use it to pull yourself up.

But, in a real-life fall: if you are in pain, or just know you’ve broken something, keep still and press your personal alarm button. Of course you have one? If you live in a retirement village or a nursing home, there’s usually an accessible button in the bedroom, kitchen, and bathroom. Better still, if you are wearing a pendant or watch with a special call button, or if you can access your mobile phone, use it.

Anticipate and prepare! If you are of an age and suspect the real possibility of a fall, get ready!

Always use your walking stick, especially when in unfamiliar territory and/or unusual surfaces.

Here’s some other little snippets of advice from my vast storehouse of near misses and failures:

• Don’t sit on rock walls (rocks move, spiders and ants spring surprises)
• Don’t clean skirting boards (let it be, or get someone else to do it)
• Don’t say I didn’t warn you (so many of my friends have spent years healing shin sores)
• Remember to use your walking stick when out (or a friend’s arm)
• Go do your own research: an Internet search on “avoiding falls” will do.

So, there’s the lesson for the month. And remember the words you knew so well when you were younger: Humpty Dumpty… (we can’t even find brown paper these days, so that won’t work!). If you want to keep fit, get walking (always with a stick), but be careful where you sit……

The weather will do as it will, whether we like it or not. In Melbourne we have become used to expecting a wide range of events, even within one day, but we are fortunate that the very wildest extremes are seldom seriously harmful where I live, close by to the city centre.

After a recent deluge, I couldn’t help but think of the analogy to our lives – how unexpected events occur without warning, as well as other ‘personal storms’ of various magnitudes which recur irregularly but, whether we are thinking atmospheric or personal disruptions, we usually find ways to weather the storms!

The solutions to life’s vagaries can be elusive, and there’s usually more than one way to stay dry and safe and see the blue sky again. The frequency and duration of our personal storms is different and most of us  get through with just an umbrella at the ready; others will need the full kit: gumshoes, waterproof clothing and somewhere safe to go. But, often a refuge is hard to find when there are other complexities – like being on a muddy, unmade, rutted road.

The climate is almost akin to our life journey. Sunny one minute, wet and windy the next. Blue skies, no storm in sight, enjoying the day, together with a loved one, and BAM! A thunderstorm catches you off-guard. Suddenly no sun, and sickness and sorrow suddenly surround you. Our hearts overflow with grief and we face an uncertain forecast. Sometimes we just can’t dodge the downpour, and our mind is flooded with brutal facts as we flounder and fuss and fidget, soaked in sorrow for our partner and for ourselves.

In such a turmoil some, like me, can find support and strength from family and friends and specialised agencies, but also from a belief in a healing, saving God. Somehow, we will find a helping hand and sometimes medical aid, and the storm abates a little, a tiny ray of sunshine pierces our gloom! What at first seemed to be a never-ending winter becomes broken into with flashes of colour, revealing the silver lining and giving us periods of calmness we thought had been banished forever. Hope and prayer and determination give us strength to survive and the will to look for the sunshine. Yes, life’s like that.

As I write this, the hail, which was hurling its icy pellets on my windows a few minutes ago, has stopped. The wind has abated, the clouds went off to hassle someone else, the sun is breaking through and my spirits are lifting. Not unlike experiencing life’s seasons which can also help us appreciate and equip ourselves to cope with the changing stages of our life. Caring for someone with Alzheimer’s can have the same highs and lows as the climate spectrum and the carer needs to equip themselves – to help both partners navigate that journey and cope with the unpredictable storms.

So, we all need to recognise how our lives are constantly changing, like the weather, as we travel in our own personal climate zones, whether we like it or not. Somehow, we learn to adapt our lifestyle to remain as a firm and useful companion to our partner and family, and to maintain our friendships. Even when we are caught in an unexpected storm…..

I was recently involved in a memory test as a precursor to a study of older people (yes, there’s always someone studying us!). I failed to remember three items when I had to repeat them back some time later. But I’m not too worried about that failure because, as we all know, memory behaviour is often a bit patchy at all stages of our lives.

My late wife Dorothy, with Alzheimer’s, had an entirely different ability to remember which changed as her disease progressed. More than once, I was astounded when she seemed to have a flash from the past; like the time she laid out all her undies and socks on our unmade bed. Was she preparing to pack them for travel? To launder them? To make sure she had enough? On that occasion, it was easy to help her replace them, as I gently explained we were home again after a (non-existent) trip away.

Our ability to recall or remember is sometimes described as being short or long-term, selective and variable, all at the same time. It’s a complex topic even for a psychologist; our minds and behaviour are all so different and unique. Like most of us, I guess, my memory also responds differently when I am tired, happy, sad, or flustered (and I tire and fluster more easily and frequently these days!).

Now living alone, and when my mind is in that ‘revolving-door’ state of flux, it often means I shouldn’t make hasty decisions. But indecision often leads to procrastination and, for me I guess, a mild sort of depression. To counter that feeling, I need a strategy, and I do have one or two.

No doubt my readers will also have their personal antidote to the ‘blues’. Mine is easy. I go walking and, if that’s not possible, I read, or watch a movie (a TV mystery show can be good therapy), have a snack, plan a meal, or just make a cup of tea, and do a crossword puzzle! Music can work, too as another strategy to dispel my blues.

I use anything that forces my stupid brain to focus on something outside of unpleasant personal reverie and push the unwanted memories aside or, as a psychologist might say, ‘submerge’ them. Much as I would wish them to evaporate permanently, of course they won’t.

Is it better to forget or remember unhappy times? Well, I’m here to tell you that I do both. Trouble is, I get them mixed up sometimes – remember stuff that I should have forgotten and forget things that I should remember! We are complex things, we humans, aren’t we?

Best remedy of all is probably a happy interaction with another person! A chat with a mate, even on the phone can lift my spirits, maybe theirs, too, especially if I let them get a word in!

And if, like me, you also ‘overthink’ the state of your health and your supposed unhappy place in life’s journey, perhaps also swamped with ‘wrong’ memories, then maybe you might like to try my non-scientific remedies. They are all there, in the paragraphs above. At least I think they are…….

How often we’ve heard the expression ”chain of events”. It’s all about events that have happened, or that we anticipate will happen, which are all somehow linked. Sometimes the chain is broken, we lose the plot and don’t see the connections. Or maybe we can’t see how to mend the break, or we just don’t fit it all together again, and become tired or depressed, or both!

Or perhaps something happens which sets off a series of events that we didn’t expect. We are caught unawares and, ‘like a bolt out of the blue’, our lives are deeply affected. Fortunately, that’s not usually a permanent disruption, and we can get back to normality, whatever that is! But sometimes an event, or an action, changes the direction and our way of life forever, from that point forward.

Generally speaking, we Australians usually have a significant degree of control in the way our lives evolve. But unfortunately, poor health can may require significant changes to our way of life. Not only our own health, but someone who is close to us: partners, parents, children, or best friends. Even though you may be in tip-top condition, there is a good chance that your lifestyle could be changed by the health of someone near and dear.

The way we live our lives is frequently and firmly linked to the medical, physical, or emotional health of someone else, whether married or single. The flow effects of that connection can be the same whether it’s an involvement with a child, an adult, or even a more distant relative. Any illness can impinge on relationships, and certainly Alzheimer’s can be particularly challenging because it presents itself in so many different, often quite random ways.

This frequently changing behaviour of a loved one with Alzheimer’s is always challenging and debilitating for everyone involved. Their usual response, to what were previously normal patterns of life, now often change. Increasingly, their unexpected or variable reactions result in a higher level of stress to you, as the carer. Just being ‘on guard’ constantly is tiring and certainly not sustainable for extended periods. And it’s definitely more difficult to cope when we are older and more fixed in our lifestyle.

The message today, if that’s your scenario, is to stop and take stock of the mental and physical health of your own and your partner’s condition. Certainly, I did not, or want to, recognise the beginnings of my Dorothy’s changing behaviour, and maybe you are the same…. So, if you have an inkling of a problem, you could start by scanning through some of the useful internet links on this site to see some of the help that’s available.

But then you simply have to talk, one-on-one, to your GP. These days, doctors are more equipped to help and refer you for guidance. You’ll also need to share your concerns with your family members and perhaps a trusted friend. If you have even an inkling of concern, talk to your doctor. Make a start.

You cannot underestimate the importance and value of the connection between your own health and the person you are caring for. You need to keep fit, and also find ways to have some respite to ‘charge your batteries’!

The quicker you recognise the bigger picture, the sooner you’ll find the way forward for help, and to learn how to live a more balanced and happy life together, inextricably linked….

We all do those things, don’t we! Sometimes it’s simply daydreaming, fantasizing, ‘pie in the sky’, fruitless and futile, and we drift, away with the birds. At least I do, sometimes!

Like it or not, we all do need to plan ahead if we are to avoid that pointless drifting. Personally, my credo of ‘Carpe diem’ ensures that few days slip by without some activity or objective. But all my energy and resolve evaporated a few days ago…. when I woke with a roaring sore throat and a headache. All my possible or potential plans were pushed aside as I spent the rest of day in pyjamas, sucking lozenges and slurping hot lemon drinks with honey and aspirins! I lost a couple of days and nights but have emerged today into a much-improved state and, I’m relieved to discover, I was not COVID affected.

Bouncing back or ‘resilience’ – for me anyway, is conditioned by three pillars: mindset, mobility, and motivation. After any of us feel ‘crook’ it’s frequently not easy to regain our previous level of activity. During those times when our lives are constrained by physical or mental distress, not having a partner is often felt even more acutely. If you recognise that feeling, please be assured, you are not alone! Phone a friend or find someone to talk to; not to whinge, just to talk. To rediscover your worth as a person and to know you need not feel alone, even when you are. We really are all in this, together!

Talking of states, and not related to my health as reported above, I have been back home again after more than two weeks in Sunny Queensland. Yes, sunny and, oh, so much warmer! It was so good to catch up with my son and his family of three married daughters and, best of all, cuddles with four of my five greatgrandchildren. Now back home in Melbourne, at least the days are getting longer, Spring is in the air and flowers are appearing….

If you are feeling down, perhaps you could have a go at creating mini-objectives, like visiting or phoning someone, reading (or listening!) to a book, watching a TV program or a movie, even looking at an object out of the window, or writing down some thoughts; all of those can help us through those mournful moments.

If you can’t get motivated, stop everything, be still and pray; my anti-depressant is prayer. It’s a great way to quietly identify and consider whatever is limiting you and to explore a pathway through it. I’ve found that’s way better than curling up into a ball and expecting to be shown the way forward – without making an effort. Maybe that’s a solution for you, too: plot, plan, and pray. Gets results every time, for me.

It’s not often we see a bargain and, when we do, it’s often for something we don’t need. But once in a while the offer is timely, and we can take advantage of it. Such was a travel opportunity for me when I spotted a holiday – priced for a single person. Most often, travel packages are ‘per person twin share’ and the single traveller cost is only marginally less than double that cost. So, when I saw an attractive trip at a price that was ‘pp single’, I was hooked!

The timing was good, and at a location I had not visited. It is bitterly cold now in Melbourne, yet often sunny, but sometimes drizzling rain, and that holiday ‘deal’ looked especially attractive! I had no other commitments, so the prospect of a week away in a warmer climate sorely tempted me. The all-inclusive price was good: the airfare and transportation, accommodation, all meals, and some extras, like two massages, two glasses of wine or beer daily, and some entertainment. It was such an easy decision to make the booking….

In earlier times, my late wife and I had enjoyed many travel adventures together. My readers will all know that sharing the travel with a loved one doubles the joy, and I had previously decided I wouldn’t do many more solo trips. In my few previous trips, without Dorothy, I have always felt somewhat lonely; it is not easy to be as sociable as I once would have been with my partner of well over sixty years. Lonely or not, decision now made! The next step was to check the internet and confirm the weather at the destination was going to be in my acceptable/tolerable range. Great! So that clinched the deal, and off I go!

After a smooth flight with Fiji Airlines direct from Melbourne, I touched down at Nadi airport and duly met by a man bearing a placard with my name and off we went in a little minibus. About an hour later, after a few other hotel pickups and drop-offs, he dropped us all off at a wharf. There, about six of us boarded a small ‘sea-bus’ and began the hour-long cruise to our destination: Beachcomber Island Resort.

It was a warm, sunny day, the sea was not rough, and on arrival at our island we were greeted by a serenade from a small group of islanders! I was soon established into my own comfortable cabin (called a bure), just few metres from the white sandy beach! Bliss.

The weather over the week, apart from a brief warm shower one evening, was perfect, never more than 28 degrees, with some nights just a light blanket needed. During the week, I walked completely around the island, easily, every morning, in less than hour – although I often I dawdled and splashed in the shallows!

The vast South Pacific Sea stretched all around to the horizon and, on most days, was smooth and surprisingly shallow close to shore where it was a beautiful, transparent, pale green; a few metres offshore it was, of course, very blue, and very deep! A glorious vista, under a paler blue sky, with just a few clouds low on the distant horizon. And, Oh, the sunrises and sunsets – absolutely beautiful, colourful, and serene….

It was a very relaxing and pleasant interlude but, all too soon, the week had gone! As my mother-in-law was wont to say, “It’s back to boiled lollies, now, Bill”. The island resort was certainly not upmarket or flashy-swish; just basic, but good, and clean, and the alfresco buffet meals, outdoor under cover, were simple, plain, and tasty.

If, as you read these notes, you are a carer and can’t so easily get away on a trip like this, believe me, I understand… but I do earnestly suggest that you try to arrange a respite time. There are resources to help you, listed on this site https://eldermost.net/links-to-useful-sites/, but you could also drop me a line and I’ll see if I can help you take some ‘time off’ – it doesn’t have to be on an island!

Decide now to plan a break from your routine. You will come back refreshed and better able to support your partner, to rediscover your relationship and experience a degree of renewal!

‘Keeping an even keel’ means, as sailors know, that to stay afloat a boat needs to be balanced, stable, not overloaded, and definitely upright. A bit like us as we sail on through life, even when our life’s seas are not always smooth.

Some mornings, when the sun has yet to rise and rain is pelting on my bedroom window, I’m happy to drop anchor, so to speak, roll over and await more calm conditions before I set sail on a new day. I think that’s called great staying power!

Most mornings, however, I usually manage to extract myself from that cocoon-state and emerge to become upright; almost ready to explore the day. There’s usually some planned or necessary activity that stirs my stumps and gets me going!

In recent years I have discovered just how quickly our older bodies lose their muscle-tone. Despite raising the anchor and setting sail each day, I often discover there’s not as much ‘wind in my sails’. Breakfast helps; some orange juice, cereal, toast, and tea are usually enough to set me up for the day. For variety, I’ve recently re-discovered ‘instant porridge’: just add water and milk and a microwave burst and it’s ready; breakfast is so easy!

It’s disappointing that the breakfast burst of energy fades! Just as well I am on dry land, and not paddling about on the water. The ravages of time have reduced my muscle tone and increased my girth (just to put my socks on requires a herculean effort!). Most days I set off, rugged up against the cold, and go walking for a couple of kilometres or so. Not quite as vigorously as in earlier times when walking with Dorothy. They were always some of our sweetest times, and she continued to be a strong walker right through her life, even into those Alzheimer’s years.

Somehow we all must cope, each in our own way, to weather the storms of life, to navigate our way, always looking forward to more calm and placid times. And now, as a landlubber and in my dotage, I’ve discovered walking downhill should be the easiest but, strangely, it hurts my old knees, but uphill is less so. I much prefer being ‘on the level’, and isn’t that a safer place, anyway?       

Many of my older readers will remember pennies, even halfpennies, and perhaps the joy of finding a ‘thrupenny bit’ in the Christmas pudding. Ah, memories! And moneyboxes, and jars of coins we kept for special treats…. Now, even our banknotes are being phased out!

Our wallets and purses are becoming redundant, and these days, most of us now use only a ‘card’. Perhaps, like me, you have a Debit card (not a Credit card), which never has more than a week’s supply of money on it. I top-it-up online as needed with no transaction delay. That means if I lose my card – and report it promptly, I need never lose very much money to card misuse.

And here’s another red-hot tip: get an Apple iPad (or any ‘Tablet’ computer). Doesn’t even need to be the latest. If you have a family, it’s odds-on that someone will have, or will soon have, an unwanted model. As trade-ins, they are usually of not much value. But, if you can’t source a second-hand one, lash out and buy a used or, preferably, a new one!

Such a tablet computer will be a great investment, especially if you do it now. Become familiar with it while you have all your wits about you, and the enjoyment will stay with you for years to come. Just do it. It will transform your later years, wherever you are. The iPad is totally portable – ready to go with you, anywhere. And there is an abundance of free lessons and support groups to help you master its use.

You probably already have a smartphone (maybe a family hand-me-down) and a ‘plan’ which includes a data allowance. For example, my mobile phone plan costs me $16/month with unlimited Aussie calls, and 20Gb data allowance for internet access. For casual use, that’s more than adequate (I don’t watch movies on the phone). Your iPad can use that phone data, or your home network, if you have one. All wirelessly. No cables or connections (except to plug it in to top up its battery). And, when visiting, you can usually login to the internet via a Care home’s ‘network’, too.

Dementia Australia have a free App for tablets: A Better Visit app | Dementia Australia which I enjoyed with Dorothy many times when she was in care. It is a collection of games and activities, and a good example of creatively using an iPad when visiting someone with Alzheimer’s.

I suggest using your existing computer (or a friend’s) to easily find more information and free lessons to help you quickly become familiar with an iPad. I reckon, once you see how versatile and easy a ‘tablet’ is, you will soon be ready to ditch that old laptop (it’s probably running Windows 10 which is to be abandoned in in a year or two, anyway).

If you have some vision impairment, another advantage of an iPad is that you can easily resize and enlarge type size, icons, and pictures on the screen. And you can download books to read, or listen to, from your local Library, too. Of course you can also watch movies, read newspapers, exchange emails, enjoy family messaging – and the list goes on. Oh, and it’s a camera, too.

See what I mean? It truly can transform your lonely elder years. You can’t start too early, but you can start too late! If you haven’t begun your journey on the iPad road, you really should make a start, and now is a good time. I have no commercial affiliation with the Apple company, I just love my iPad because it opens the world to me.

An electronic pad is a useful tool and, especially, an easy companion as we travel alone or with a partner along our otherwise sometimes lonely retirement road……