The ability to remember is such a precious gift. Sadly, many people are not able to remember their life story. Not even what happened a few minutes ago; or where they are, or who they are with. We all have ‘lapses’ and when the lapse persists, it has a name, and it affects everyone who tries to connect with that person. Sometimes the condition is transitory or intermittently irregular. When that state exists it generally becomes known as Alzheimer’s disease.

Forgetfulness, however, is a common transitory condition, and we all experience it at various levels of intensity and recurrence. We move on, we forgive, we accept it, we have a high degree of tolerance when it is manifest in others, and we sympathise and recognise our shortcomings when we, ourselves, experience those occasional ‘blank’ moments.

When our partner is experiencing a perpetual state of vagueness we almost understand and recognise the problem, because in ourselves, we know it will pass. We are able to manoeuvre our minds to feel sad or happy or anywhere between. We can remember how we felt and, to a large extent, can reconstruct our feelings to decide whether to be miserable or ecstatic, or somewhere in the middle.

Overpowering tiredness, grief, worry, illness, and bodily comfort are just a few of the other human states that have profound effects on how we respond to our environment and in our relationships. That reaction is going to depend on where we are, who we are with, our different levels of health, how old we are, and the mood we are in! Yet, somehow, within those complexities, we are usually still able to decide how to react to any given circumstance.

Not so for those with Alzheimer’s as it progresses. During that process, the ability to recognise where they are, who they are with, and what is the ‘right’ response is frequently, and often totally, outside the realm of their decision-making ability. In my wife’s case, there were, occasionally, ‘flashes’ of recognition of past behaviour and relationships during some activities. The past, and now – puddled together in a perplexing present.

Add to the mix: tiredness, hunger, thirst, love, and fear, then roll them up together in this fragment of time and then, maybe, we can get the tiniest glimpse of the Alzheimer mind. It’s no wonder that a carer needs to be alert – and frequently forgiving – as they travel the fragile, fragmented, dementia road together.

So, there you have it, a brief review of the emotional range of stresses in everyday life for everyone involved in this journey. It’s good to stop every so often and remember the earlier good times and now to recall and cherish the flashes, not the lapses. They help us to recharge and renew our relationships, ever ready to find those elusive happy moments that are memorable……