Or is it ‘aging’ in place? Either spelling is correct, apparently. But we know what it means, don’t we? No matter how it’s spelt, sorry, spelled, we know that ageing in place means growing old gracefully and remaining in the family home. But there may come a time when one partner dies or has to move in to care because of a medical condition or Alzheimer’s. It follows that one partner is left at home alone – often in a house on a suburban block. And that partner in that lonely scenario, depending upon their age and health, in trying to fend for themselves, may become part of a further difficult domestic and family dilemma.

The partner remaining at home, probably a suburban house, as well as travel to visit their partner, will still have the everyday care and maintenance of their property. Dealing with the outside of the building and land, alone is a big job! Then there’s the inside cleaning, laundering, personal care, and clothing choices. Not to mention the household shopping, healthy meals, maybe medication, and the travel involved in visiting the partner in care. If it’s the man left at home, there’s a good chance they will be of a generation when mum did the cooking and cleaning while dad went off to work! Whatever the case, the partner now at home may also have indifferent health and that, of course, will compound the problem.

Having family on hand to guide and to research home assistance options will be invaluable, but it’s not always available. Maybe my links could help: https://eldermost.net/links-to-useful-sites/

As time goes by, a person living alone in a suburban home without appropriate and specific help will eventually not be able to manage to care and maintain themselves and their home. One answer will be for them to also move into care. Or perhaps it’s possible to provide free or cheap accommodation to someone in return for basic personal and/or home care – but be careful about going down that road, there are some legal, contractual and insurance aspects to consider! Maybe family could build a ‘granny flat’ in their backyard? See, there are lots of options……

However, the more likely outcome will be for the remaining partner to stay too long in the family home then finally, reluctantly, move to a ‘care home’ – perhaps requiring the family home to be sold under duress. Just finding an ‘appropriate nursing home’ is a process fraught with complexities for an older person and will need lots of help from family and certainly from experts. See: https://eldermost.net/you-could-start-here/

Over time I have discovered, in my personal visits to friends now mostly in nursing homes, we all leave it too late to move into a ‘retirement village’. I get it, there are sentimental reasons to stay put in the familiar family home; but don’t! The best time to make the move is, without doubt, before you or your partner become frail! The transition is easier when you do it soon after retirement (I know a couple who happily did it before they turned sixty). You will love the newfound freedom from house maintenance, neighbourhood issues and property worries. A retirement village is more secure, and you can go off on a holiday or visit the kids any time! Personally, I made the move just about five years too late!

So, today’s message is don’t procrastinate, and:

• Start decluttering your home, early, say when you are sixty years!
• Start planning to move, now, while you are not under pressure.
• Move when you are young enough to enjoy a long and healthy retirement in a “village” (near where you currently live is a great idea), free of property and maintenance worries.
• If you have family, start talking to them about this, now, while you still have your health and wits about you!