It isn’t being alone that affects me. It’s being lonely. There is a difference. And I’m not sure I can explain that difference! For some years during the time when my wife, Dorothy, was developing her Alzheimer’s affliction and until her death we were precluded from meaningful dialogue and meaningful activities. During those twilight years and even now I continue to feel, as many of my older readers will understand, the loss of her companionship and our ability to share experiences. That feeling of loneliness is heightened in the evenings and the nights and, dare I say it, often during the day. But, having been an only child, I guess I can cope with being alone perhaps better than many others who have lost a partner.

I have reverted, so to speak, to an acceptance of this singleness, to this newish state of being alone. And strangely, most of the time, that adaptation is OK. But I am lonely, often. Sometimes, pathologically lonely, if there is such a thing. Times when I just want to shrivel up and disappear; times when I don’t want to go to bed; times when I don’t want to get up in the morning; sometimes for days on end. But, and here’s the good part: I know how to beat it (most of the time). Everyone will have their own ways of coping with depression. I have no quick fix, but I do have some of my own ‘coping’ methods.

I’ve mentioned it before, but for me, prayer is one of the keys to regaining a sense of normality. Other techniques, just simple activities, and in no particular order, are reading, walking, fixing (repairing) ‘things’, writing, being outdoors, eating nicely-cooked and presented meals, wearing comfortable clothing, meeting and listening to interesting people, travelling to anywhere, avoiding conflict, enjoying the comforting feeling of a warm shower, sleeping (even if fitfully!), walking in gardens – and anywhere outdoors, and sharing an experience with a friend or family. All of the above, and others I can’t think of at the moment, keep me grounded and more cheerful – most of the time.

It takes an effort to be proactive when I’m lonely. I say to myself, “Come on, snap out of it! Get on with it”. And I attempt to resume the privilege of life. I count my blessings, stop internalising, get up off my backside and move! Them’s the fighting words I conjure up sometimes when my spirits are down. But it is, almost, a constant and corrosive battle, and I really have to work at it; or I get lost and wallow in self-pity and waste my precious waking hours. Family and friends are our real treasure yet, sometimes, they just don’t quite match the absence of a life’s partner…..

Deep apologies to my patient readers who have read this far. I think my current depressive state has been showing. But I’m not going to delete it, because I want you to know that neither you, nor me, need to despair! We are not alone in our loneliness, nor are we lost. Just a bit ‘down’ today, and determined to bounce back!

So, now, off I go for a walk. If you can’t do that, find a rose to smell, a book to read (or listen to), a TV program to enjoy, or maybe find family or a friend to phone (maybe like me, you can’t quite cope with the newfangled concept of internet social networks!). When all else fails, just write it all down, like I’m doing right now! Be grateful, not grumpy; find the treasure….