Whether we live alone or with a partner needing care, we all strive for balance and a degree of stability in our lives. Of course, how we define balance can be infinitely variable; it will always be changing – as our life evolves and our environment becomes different.

For simplicity here, though, I will try to define just three states of balance in our life: ‘Active’, ‘Reactive’, and ‘My time’. When I had the care of my wife at home, those three states of being seemed to be constantly in flux and often in conflict. As many of my readers know, that tension is debilitating and often counterproductive.

We soon learn why it’s so important to establish a regime, a lifestyle, a pattern of care that accepts the rigour but also embraces the positive aspects. It must find a way of life that reduces the uncertainty, confusion, and tiring effects of imbalance.

Being physically and mentally alert and active all the time, round-the-clock, just can’t be done for very long. Certainly, my attempts in those early years of caring for Dorothy, my wife who developed Alzheimer’s, soon demonstrated that I needed support.

The never-ending tension twixt work, life, and play, still applies even now to me, in my single retired state (maybe to you, too!). Seeking help often doesn’t come easily to some folk, but do it, you must. I can’t imagine what condition I would now be in had I not sought advice in those early days. Firstly, from our doctor and then from the resources available in the community.

You also need to stop and review your own health and how well you are caring – for both of you. And face the need to get help. As you read this now, if you are stressed and tired, take heart; you’ll find some useful links on this website.

If you mostly cope well but are frequently only being reactive, perhaps unsure how to react in a better way, then – same thing, talk to your family and your doctor. Don’t wait until you are ‘burnt-out’. Again, check out the links above. You can get by for quite a while, but sometimes the need for care is relentless and draining.

But now I want you to pause from your labours and love, and move to what I’ve labelled the third state: ‘My time’. Of course, in the context of this discussion, it doesn’t mean doing nothing! It means you need to find some ‘Me time’- time just for you. A time and space that you alone can choose how to use. It can be just having a break, time away, visiting friends, playing, or watching sport, maybe indulging your hobbies, or reading, even travel. Perhaps simply getting a few good nights’ sleep! Your choice of ‘what’ is less important than the act of pausing.

To sum up, I’d say we must all keep trying to ‘keep an even keel’ in our lives so that we can stay afloat and be more valuable as a partner or friend. Personally, as a solo, I strive for that equilibrium and readily admit to being just a little bit sometimes ‘off balance’…. but, I hope, never unbalanced or floundering!