Basically, I need to slow down; that’s the thing. I am inclined to be always ‘on the go’ seldom inactive, and that’s just the way I am, and want to be. But…lately, I find I am sort of ‘on edge’ rather than in charge, forever asking myself what I’ve forgotten to do. And that’s despite my diary entries, which I now double-up in my smart phone – if I remember!
The days seem to go so quickly now, and at the end of the day I can’t understand why I haven’t done what I set out to do! I suppose I do get a bit ’down’ and needlessly concern myself about not coping; and yet, in fact, I reckon I’m doing rather well. Maybe I need to stop and enjoy that fact but, somehow, I can’t. I confess I do worry a bit about what needs to be done but then I put those thoughts aside because, mostly, I just want to go and visit Dorothy and to hell with everything else.
Until I get back home. Then I start to think about what to do next: write this web update, check the diary for jobs not done, or think about what to prepare for dinner, or whether I did the washing this morning, or fixed the broken door handle, or constantly check our bank balances, or did I make a doctor’s appointment to check on a persistent pain, or phone or visit that friend in hospital, or phone our children, or pay some accounts, or go on that a self-promised exercise walk, or read a book or etc., etc. I know, I am my own worst enemy!
So, I’m resolved! This year, I will get some routine in my life. I will enrol at the Gym and try to get ‘fitter’. I will try to get out more often, I will be methodical in my finances and home chores, I will visit Dorothy a little less and for a shorter stay, and I will try to organise a couple of weeks holiday, away, assuming I am in good health! So far (touch wood!), I have been blessed with surprisingly good health but at my age that can’t be taken for granted. Some of my friends are troubled with afflictions, disabilities and personal problems, so it would be churlish of me to assume my health and current status can be maintained forever!
Dorothy continues to be such a sweetie and so physically well. It should be a no-brainer that I must not visit her while I am in a dejected miserable, unhappy, way! I have so much to be grateful for: my health, my budget compliance, and absolutely because Dorothy is cared for in such an amazingly good care home! I am, for all those and more reasons ‘Resolved’ from next year onwards, to be less uptight and stressed (I don’t think I’m like that, but my daughter is convinced I am exactly like that!).
In 2020 by carrying out that resolution I will be, undoubtedly, better able to bring more joy to myself and Dorothy and, in that process, be a better husband, father and friend. I really will try to remember all this………
One more thing: I want to thank all those kind people who responded to this web page and/or sent cards and letters during the year and at Christmas time. And special thanks to my family and friends and the staff at Blue Cross. With all your loving support I know I can at least start 2020 with more spring in my step than this time last year. Happy New Year!!